alone vs. lonely *HOW TO GUIDE* to enjoying your own company
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Hello, hello, beautiful souls, and welcome to the Claim Your Power podcast, the ultimate show for all things new age spirituality, entrepreneurship, and embodied leadership. I'm your host, Kim Peretz. I'm an author, entrepreneur, and yoga enthusiast. If you're ready to step up, tap into your gifts, and unleash your potential, you are at the right place. It's time to claim your power.

Hello, beautiful people, and welcome back to the pod. I woke up today with kind of a raspy voice, but I'm still very motivated to film this episode. So just like a PSI, my voice sounds a little different. I'm not sure why I pumped myself with so many vitamins.

So we should be good. But I'm excited for today's topic because this is a topic that I think that I had to learn in 2022 when like in the beginning of the year when I was going through a breakup and I had to learn how to find myself in my own identity as an adult beyond a relationship. And so I'm really excited to talk about this because it's been months and I feel like I've finally mastered it and

And I feel like I'm finally at a place where I can give advice to people on this. You guys know I never want to talk about something that I don't feel like I have went through myself.

But yeah, so today we're going to be talking about how to enjoy being alone. When you learn how to enjoy your own company and how to spend time on your own, you become unstoppable. Seriously. Like genuinely nothing can stand in your way if you have a solid relationship with yourself. If you know how to take care of yourself when you're down. If you know how to empower yourself. If you know how to set your boundaries. If you understand your thoughts and your emotions. If you know how to be a good person.

If you can develop that relationship with yourself and enjoy your own company, your whole life will change. I think being alone seems like such a daunting thing, especially if someone, if you're listening and you're going through a breakup, whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship breakup, or maybe you just left the house and you're going off to college and you feel like you don't have your family's support. Anything like that that resonates, that inflicts this feeling of being alone for you or even abandoned,

I want to give you a piece of wisdom that I learned that I think might change and shift some perspective for you. But every single time that you feel alone, that somebody else makes you feel alone, that you feel alone in your own world,

that is a reflection of something within you, a relationship within you. So how can you start to make yourself feel more fulfilled and feel more whole and complete on your own? Because the truth is nobody completes you.

not a parent, not a friend, not a partner. Nobody outside of you has the power to complete you. And when you give somebody else that power, you're putting yourself on an unattainable pedestal and you're putting them up for failure because really nobody can.

fulfill all your needs the way that you can. And the moment that you stop expecting other people to show up for you in the way that you need to show up for yourself is the moment that you take your power back from any unfortunate situation or circumstance.

And let me give you an example of that. Let's say you are going through a breakup. I think a lot of the thought patterns that people tend to go through is you feel like a part of you is missing, which is totally valid because your heart just got broken and it feels like a part of you, a person that was so...

present in your life just walked away and that hurts and I'm not here to invalidate that I think you should feel that pain for as long as it takes you because healing is a path and the timing of it and the pace of it is different for everyone but I do want to bring to light some certain thought patterns that I know a lot of people tend to go through when going through these life experiences and

For example, you start to think like, they're a part of me. They're my whole world. A part of me is missing. I'm not whole and complete. You genuinely feel that way.

And I'm here to tell you that although you are feeling that right now, in hindsight, you will look back and you will realize that this experience, whatever it is that you are going through right now, is happening to awaken the strength within you and to teach you in a sense how to feel so whole and complete on your own that nobody outside of you, no external circumstance or external person can complete you the way that you do.

And when you learn how to do that, or when you commit yourself, you don't even have to master that lesson yet, but when you commit yourself and tell yourself and the universe, I am ready to learn how to enjoy being alone

even if it's hard for me, I'm going to challenge myself. I'm going to take myself out on dates. I'm going to journal. I'm going to spend time by myself because what happens is so many of us are not used to spending time by ourselves. Okay, let me let you in on a little secret. So I used to be someone who could not spend time alone and I think in a sense it was because I was escaping myself and I didn't want to get to know myself. So I genuinely walked around for so many years just being so unfamiliar with who I am and my authentic self and I would just spend it

every free minute with other people, tending to other people's needs, spending time in other people's vibrations. And I just would dread spending time alone.

Cuted now, I'm actually, I'm telling you that once you learn and master enjoying spending time alone and being happy in your own company, it gets addicting because you attain such an amazing sense of freedom and inner peace like no other. Because when you learn how to spend time alone, like I can go days, days without seeing anyone and feel so happy and so fulfilled.

But three years ago, that would have probably induced some form of anxiety attack for me, not seeing people and not, I would feel FOMO and I would feel like I'm not in with people and not understanding what's going on. And now like I can go have a full day by myself, go to the beach, read a book, journal, and I will be the happiest person that you will ever meet. And it's because when you enjoy your own company and you enjoy being alone, you attain an inner peace.

an inner peace that nobody can take away from you because you are happy in your own company and that means that you are in your own power and you're not giving it away so if there's one thing that I want you to take from this is you learning how to enjoy being alone is just going to actually activate and manifest more feelings or fulfillment for you because I think people realize and think that like oh if

I'm going to be alone for all these years and all this time, and I'm going to spend all this time by myself. I'm going to start feeling lonely. But it's the exact opposite because if you can enjoy spending time with yourself, you're going to attract people who make you feel amazing and make you feel fulfilled because you

Sometimes, maybe you guys can relate to this, sometimes you can spend so much time with people, but they make you feel alone. Those people don't empower you. And I don't know about you, but I would rather be alone than spend my time with people who make me feel alone. I also want to touch base on this big difference between being alone and feeling lonely.

Because this is like a mindset shift that I have made for myself that has changed my life that I think will change it for you. Because I think a lot of times when we say like, oh, I'm so alone, it has a negative connotation. But the truth is being alone is a neutral thing. You can look at it from a place of neutrality. Okay, I'm alone right now. I'm spending time by myself, neutral, completely neutral, no emotional charge.

What happens is we associate being alone with the frequency of loneliness and loneliness has an emotional charge. Loneliness stems from a low vibration. It's often associated with feelings like abandonment and rejection and lack of self-love. But I want to tell you that just because you are alone doesn't mean that you have to feel lonely.

And if you feel lonely, then the path to moving through that energy is learning and bringing joy and love and happiness to that state and bringing yourself up. It's learning how to go from lonely to alone. And when you go from lonely to alone, you can again go up to loneliness.

you know, feeling vibrant and inner peace and love. But alone is in the neutrality. And lonely, I'm like talking kind of about like a frequency chart right now. You guys know about that. We've talked about it in past episodes. But lonely is like at the bottom of the frequency chart. It's a low vibration because when you feel lonely, you feel like nobody has your back and you feel like you are just like going around in this world with zero support and guidance. But the truth is you are never, ever lonely.

ever alone even if you feel like the whole world is against you you are never alone because you know why because the universe always has your back and you have a team of spirit guides and supports and angels that guide you every single step of the way and you just don't know it but you can always tap into that energy it's just your choice you are literally the universe experiencing itself you are soul having a human experience you are literally made of atoms and dust you are stardust dust

I know I kind of sound like a little walk right now and I swear I'm not on like weed or shrooms right now. I'm completely sober. But it's the truth. Like you are the universe experiencing itself. So how can you be alone? You are never alone. And when you get out of that frequency of I am so lonely and you step into your power and say, okay, I'm alone, but I'm not lonely.

I'm guided and supported every step of the way, you will see that your reality will reflect that energy to you. And people will just come towards you and help you and support you and the universe will conspire in your favor. And I invite you to tap into that energy and to start having a conversation with the universe and saying, Hey universe,

Show me that you are here. Show me that you are guiding me. Show me that you are supporting me. Send me signs and just build that dialogue with the universe because I can guarantee you that if you start building that dialogue, you will get a reflection from the universe and you will get those signs but you have to believe in it and you have to ask for that guidance because you have free will. And the way that you will stop feeling lonely is you learn how to be alone.

Because people think that the way you stop feeling lonely is through external circumstances. But really, that's escapism. And that's you putting everything that you actually need to work on in the inner work on the back burner. And you're trying to escape something and you're trying to revert something away from your reality. But the truth is, if you're meant to learn something, it's going to be coming back as a pattern as a cycle in different forms until you choose the higher path. So

So if you feel lonely, but then you look, let's say you just got out of a relationship and you're feeling really lonely. So what do you decide to do? You have two choices. A, you decide to work on yourself. You decide to do the inner work, to understand your wounds and to understand your triggers and to spend time alone and to develop the person that you are.

Or B, you decide to get on a dating app a week after your breakup of two years or three years. Let's say it was a serious breakup. Not like you just went on like a couple dates and you broke up. That's a different story. Let's say you had a serious breakup. And so in order to escape it, you decide to go on a dating app or you decide to start going on dates or you decide to start jumping into a new relationship.

And I'm not saying that like getting into a new relationship, like there has to be like a time period that passes by between your breakup. Like sometimes you meet the person and it's just the right timing and it's divine timing for you. So it's not black or white. And I'm here to just kind of put all the information on the table for you. But I want you to ask yourself whatever situation that you are going through.

Whatever choices that you are making right now in this current moment, are you making them from a place of self-empowerment and self-love or from a place of loneliness? Are you going on that date because you feel lonely and you want some man or some woman to fulfill those needs for you? Are you going on that date because you really feel open and ready and accepting of yourself that you're ready to get to know another person?

Because there's no right or wrong answer. It's just the way that you approach and the choices that you make, what frequency you're making them from. So really only you know the answer. But I can guarantee you with my entire heart and soul that if you commit to yourself, if you decide to put all your energy into you, you decide to chase after your goals, to work through your triggers, to get to know yourself on a deep level and to enjoy your own company, something in you will shift.

I don't even know how to explain that feeling. But me, you know, in my first relationship that I look back on versus me after a breakup, after healing, after now, like being this strong woman who's embodied in myself

my own goals and my energy and my dreams, it's a completely different person because I had to go through that path of learning to come home to myself all over again and to get to know myself all over again and even falling in love with myself all over again because I think part of enjoying being alone is learning how to fall in love with yourself.

And learning how to fall in love with yourself doesn't mean that you have to get rid of every single insecurity or trigger that you have. It's the exact opposite. Because think about the way that you love others. You love others for who they are, regardless of their insecurities. You love others with unconditional love and acceptance. That is true love. And so you have to show up for yourself with that same energy. And you say, okay, you know what? I have this trigger. I have this wound. I have this insecurity. But I still love myself.

And it's okay if I haven't been able to change that. I'll work through that. I'll heal through that. It's going to take me some time, but I'm choosing to love myself now as I come. And when you approach your life with that energy and you learn how to spend time on your own and how to develop that inner peace, something in your life will change.

Beautiful souls, thank you so much for joining me in today's episode. As always, feel free to DM me on Instagram if you have any topic suggestions for future episodes or if you would like to apply to be a guest on the show. I hope you feel inspired to claim your power today. Bye. Okay, round two. Name something that's not boring. A laundry? Oh, a book club. Computer solitaire. Huh? Huh?

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