ULTIMATE CONFIDENCE GUIDE: transform your self-esteem & becoming “HER”
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Hello and welcome to the Claim Your Power podcast, the ultimate show for all things self-love, spirituality, and personal growth. I'm your host, Kim Peretz. I'm a three-time author, content creator, avid traveler, entrepreneur, and matcha enthusiast. You are at the right place if you're ready to rediscover the love within, align with your purpose, and unleash your highest potential. It's time to claim your power.

Hello guys and welcome back to the podcast. Today's episode is going to be a very special episode because today we are talking all about confidence, baby. This episode, by the time that you finish listening to it, you are going to leave this episode with all of the mindset shifts and all of the tools that you need to transform your self-esteem and become hurt.

Let's get into it. This is the ultimate confidence guide. If you want to be the type of person that walks into a room and knows who the fuck they are, the type of person that commands positive energy and positive attention, then you have come to the right place. Step number one to achieving unshakable confidence is you're going to have to stop comparing yourself.

You're going to have to stop looking at everyone around you and constantly putting other people on a pedestal and constantly comparing yourself and what Bob is doing and what Sally is saying and la, la, la, la, la, la. You're going to have to stop, stop, and actually look inside of yourself.

You need to stop competing with others right now because your main focus in life should be being better than the person that you were yesterday, not the person that you're sitting next to. Comparison is the thief of joy. And when you're constantly comparing yourself to other people, you're actually diminishing your own light, your own positive energy, and your own potential. Because what that does, when you're constantly looking around, comparing yourself to other people, is you're giving your energy and you're giving your power away.

If you want to feel confident, if you want to appear confident, you're going to have to stop looking everywhere outside of you and start actually finding your confidence from inside of you. And that starts by stopping comparing yourself once and for all.

Comparing yourself to other people around you does not move you ahead in life. It doesn't improve your situation. It doesn't help you on any way. So just stop doing it. I know it's a lot easier said than done, but you know for a fact that when you compare yourself to other people, it does not lift you up. It feeds your shame. It feeds your feelings of inadequacy. And most importantly, it just keeps you stuck in life in the same loop.

Your life is not meant to look like anybody else's life because you're not meant to live the exact same life as other people because you aren't like other people. You are different. And in order to attain confidence, you actually have to start embracing the fact that you're different, embracing your uniqueness, embracing your energy, embracing your authenticity and stop comparing yourself to what other people are doing and how other people are living their life.

The first step to stop comparing yourself to other people is to actually raise awareness to the fact that you're doing it. And a lot of the time, we tend to compare ourselves to other people because we feel insecure about certain things in our life. And so in order to stop comparing ourselves to other people, we have to become aware

aware of those insecurities and when we notice those insecurities coming up instead of feeding into instant gratification of comparison and dimming ourselves down or diminishing other people in the process we actually do some emotional regulation we pause we notice the fact that we're comparing ourselves and we choose a different route let me give you an example about my own life so

I'm 5'3". Some will say that that is an average height, but to me, it's always felt short, especially growing up. I was always the smallest girl out of my friend group in elementary school and in middle school. And so ever since I was young, I always felt small around other women. And so when I was in high school a lot, what I would do is I would compare myself to women that were taller than me because I would equate

that to them being more powerful, more beautiful. And I didn't realize that when I was doing that, I was actually diminishing my own light. And so it didn't matter whether I was tall or I was short, what I was actually doing is I was diminishing my own self-esteem and diminishing my own confidence by comparing myself

to other people by trying to diminish myself because I felt like other people were doing better than me or they looked better than me or they had better qualities than me. And the second that I stopped doing that and the second I started embracing the fact that, you know, maybe I'm a little short and that's fine because I appear cute

I can give great hugs. And if you were a tall person, then you can also find those amazing attributes that make being tall so amazing. Like something that I personally love about tall women is that when you walk into a room, no matter what room you're in, you command attention. Like you have an amazing ability to be seen. So if you're tall and you're listening to this, like I applaud you. I think it's amazing and I'm inspired by that.

But if you're a short girly like me, you know that one time in your life you probably felt insecure about your height. And so something that I did to actually heal that insecurity and stop comparing myself to other people is I actually started embracing and finding the uniqueness and the authenticity

of why this insecurity that I used to have is actually something positive. So the way that you start attaining that confidence is you shift from noticing the insecurity and letting that insecurity rule your life to you taking your power back from that insecurity and choosing the higher route instead.

And number two, speaking of finding your power from inside of you, the way that you attain unshakable confidence is by actually finding that unshakable confidence from inside of your spirit. Meaning that your confidence cannot be dependent on

on external factors. And this is why some people will have moments where they will have phases where they're feeling really confident because they have attained this accomplishment or they look this way or they're in this relationship. And so all of these external sources and external elements are the ones maintaining their confidence, but it's not actually true confidence, it's codependency. So the way that you actually attain real confidence is you've

Fall in love with your spirit, with your soul, with your energy because your energy introduces you before you speak and your energy is your footprint. It is something that no one outside of you can take away from you. And when you fall in love with your energy, with your spirit, with your

aura that is a confidence that is unshakable because if your confidence is dependent on other factors like what you're wearing how much money you're making your accomplishments how other people think about you then your confidence can shift at any point in time it's not consistent confidence because you're gonna constantly depend

depend on things outside of you to make you feel this way. Someone that has powerful self-esteem is someone that knows that their confidence is not dependent on any external factors, but it's coming from inside of you. I used to depend my confidence on things outside of me all the time, on how I looked, on how other people perceived me, on my accomplishments, on how much money I was making when I was in high school, on my grades. I mean, I was constantly depending on other factors outside of me to make me feel good, to make me have positive self-esteem.

But you know who I am today. Today, my confidence is not dependent on anything outside of me, meaning I could look like a sloth. I could not be successful according to societal standards. I could have certain people have certain opinions of me, not like me, whatever it may be. And I'm still going to feel confident because I know who I am and I know that my self-esteem comes from inside of me, comes from my energy, it comes from my spirit, and it comes from my aura. So the second step to having more unshakable confidence is

is to falling in love with your energy. It's to getting to know your soul. And the soul whispers. The way that you get to know your soul is you start actually listening to that intuition. You start meditating. You start spending time with yourself. You start really getting to know who you are at your core. Not who the ego is. Not who everything that you're projecting outwards is. Who you truly are from inside of you. Step number three is to start dressing like the part.

Ask yourself, what does my highest self dress like? What do they look like?

and how can I show up as them right now? My life changed when I started to dress like my highest self. We are here to have a human experience. As much as we are all souls on the inside, we are also here on earth in a physical experience, meaning use it to its capacity. Dress up the way that you like. Dress the way that makes you feel the most confident because when you start dressing like your higher self, you start feeling like your higher self. It's kind of like a

fake it till you make it regime. If you were the version of yourself right now that didn't care at all what other people thought, what other people have to say, how would you dress and start showing up as that version of you right now? Because let me tell you, people are going to have opinions of you regardless, no matter what.

For instance, my style is very elegant. I like to dress up. I like to take up space and that triggers some insecure people. I even had a situation at university where I was sitting next to this girl and I thought that she was very nice and I was talking to her. We were doing some small talk and then she looks at me and she goes, don't you think you're a little overdressed for class? And I looked at her and I go, honey, being alive is the occasion.

That shut her up real quick. Let me tell you what, when you are starting to feel into your confidence, you're going to attract these energy vampires that are going to test you. They're going to test your self-esteem and they're going to test your confidence. Do not fall for these tests. Do not let other people's opinions dictate the way that you go about your life. Go about your life the way that you desire regardless.

And this leads me to step number four, and that is in order to attain unshakable confidence, you're going to have to decenter other people's opinions from your life and start putting how you feel and your opinions about yourself on the pedestal. Just because somebody thinks something about you doesn't make it true. Let me say that again. Just because someone thinks something about you does not make it true. You have to stop putting other people's opinions so high up in your life.

And the way that I go about this, and I really hope that this helps you, is I started adopting this one mindset shift. And that is that other people's opinions are simply none of my business. What other people are saying about me is simply none of my business. And the more that I detach from what other people say about me, the more happier and fulfilled and glowing and leveling up that I am in life. When you de-center other people's opinions from your life, your life just elevates.

And I know that this is a lot easier said than done because as humans, we have this need for social approval. This is something that actually started back in the days of our ancestors when people would live in huts and communities. If people didn't like you and didn't approve of you, then you would literally be shunned out of your community or out of your village. So in a way, as humans, we developed this survival fight or flight mechanism for social approval so that in a way we wouldn't be shunned out of society.

But right now, the most beautiful thing about all of this is we actually live in a different society now, a society that values and prioritizes authenticity and uniqueness and vulnerability. And you need to start capitalizing on that. You need to start utilizing that to your advantage. You know yourself better than you know yourself, yet you crumble at the words of somebody who hasn't even lived a second of your life.

Make it make sense. Start focusing on your own opinions of yourself. Start focusing on your own feelings. Start focusing on your own voice because that is the one that truly matters. There's a concept in psychology called the confirmation bias, meaning that what you believe about yourself, your subconscious mind will look for external confirmation in your reality to confirm that belief system, meaning that everyone

Everyone is you pushed out. Now you're probably thinking, what does this have to do with other people's opinions? Well, let me tell you, this proves to you that other people's opinions are completely subjective. They are a projection of how other people feel about themselves. Meaning that if I go out there and I think some way about another person, that's actually a reflection of myself.

If I think that another person is beautiful, that's a reflection of the beauty that I recognize in myself. If I'm judging another person, I'm actually judging myself.

Honey, the best weight that you will ever lose is the weight of other people's opinions. If you want to start being confident, you're going to have to make peace with the fact that some people are going to talk about you. Some people are going to have their opinions of you. Some people are going to perceive you in a way and sometimes you're going to be a villain in somebody else's story, but you have to make peace with that because honestly, this is your life. You get one life. You get one reality. This isn't forever and you might as well just be happy and prioritize your happiness and your health and your fulfillment rather than a

appeasing one person in your life who doesn't approve of you. It's time for today's Lucky Land Horoscope with Victoria Cash. Life's gotten mundane, so shake up the daily routine and be adventurous with a trip to Lucky Land. You know what they say, your chance to win starts with a spin. So go to LuckyLandSlots.com to play over 100 social casino-style games for free for your chance to redeem some serious prizes. Get lucky today.

The real glow up happens when you stop worrying about what other people think of you and you start pouring all of your energy into building yourself up, into accomplishing your dreams, into taking care of yourself, into attaining your confidence from inside of you. Step number five is to start doing things alone and to start doing things before you are ready.

The most confident always that I feel is when I do things that I tell myself that I would do. Meaning that if I told myself that I would wake up early and I would go to a workout and I actually follow through with it and I actually do it, I feel so confident after. I feel like I am on top of the world. Because when you keep breaking your own promises, you're actually impacting your self-esteem.

Start doing things that you told yourself you would do and start doing things before that you are ready. Change is uncomfortable because you've never been there, meaning that you will never feel 100% ready to do that thing that you told yourself that you really wanted to do. Start following through on your dreams, on your personal goals, and start doing things on your own.

When you start doing things on your own, your confidence is just from inside of you and nobody can take that away from you. Take yourself out on a date. Go to a concert by yourself. Go sit at the park. Go on a walk. Go meditate. Go to a conference by yourself. Do things on your own. I don't care if you have a thousand friends, if you're in a long-term relationship. You need to learn how to do things on your own by yourself because when you learn how to enjoy your own company and actually enjoy the space of your own wholeness, then your confidence is something that is unshakable.

Learn to value and enjoy your own company and learn to actually continue and following up with your promises, with your goals, with your dreams in life, because this will not only help you feel confident, it will actually help you attain self-respect and self-respect and confidence always go hand in hand.

And this leads me to step number six, and that is to start setting boundaries and to start surrounding yourself with people who you genuinely want to be like. You are the five people that you surround yourself with. If you are constantly surrounding yourself with people who are insecure, who are bringing you down, who have negative self-talk, who are judging, how do you expect to grow?

When a flower doesn't bloom, you change the environment in which it grows. You change the soil, not the flower. If you want to start being more confident and to start having higher self-esteem, you're going to have to take clear notice of who's constantly surrounding you, on whose thoughts and whose words are constantly circulating you. It is okay to outgrow people who aren't growing.

And this is why I believe that who you surround yourself with is super impactful to who you become. Ships don't sink because of the water around them. They sink because of the water that gets into them. Meaning do not let what's going on outside of you, what other people are saying about you, what everything is going around you actually affect you.

how you feel on the inside. And step number seven to having unshakable confidence is to ditch the victim mentality once and for all and to start adopting a growth mindset. Because if you continue living your life in victimhood, you will never grow because you will continuously come up with excuses for why you lack self-awareness, for why you're not taking responsibility for your life. You will blame everything

everyone and all your external circumstances for how you feel on the inside of you and ultimately you will just never grow. If you want to feel more confident, you're going to have to adopt a growth mindset. The way that I see a growth mindset is simply believing truly in your core and in your heart that

that things happen for you, not to you. Therefore, the things that are going on around you, you're not a victim of these things. You're not going to let these things weigh you down. You're going to use them as stepping stones to actually leveling up. You're going to use your setbacks as opportunities for growth. Now, beyond these seven steps, I want to just give you a list of a couple tips that I've acquired over the years that helped me become more confident.

One, confidence is silent, insecurity is loud. If you notice people in your life constantly chatting, constantly gossiping, constantly bringing other people down, that is how you know that they are operating from a place of insecurity. People who are confident don't have the time nor energy to bring other people down.

Two, start learning about body language. When you walk into a room, is your body language closed up? Are you hiding yourself or are you able to take up space? Are you able to open your chest wide? Are you able to make eye contact? These little shifts in your life can actually help you appear more confident when you shift your body language. Another thing that I think really helped me level up my confidence, and this one is so important, is to stop laughing at jokes that come at your expense.

to stop making jokes at your own expense. Like the self-deprecating jokes have got to go. We're dumping them out. They're not sticking around.

If someone is making a joke at your expense, something that I always love to do, and this never fails me, is to just ask them to repeat the joke as if you've never heard it. Because when they have to repeat the joke and explain to you the joke, like you can even ask them like, wait, I don't really get the joke. Can you explain it to me? Let's say they were saying something badly at your expense and they were laughing at you. Just be like, wait, I didn't understand the joke. Do you mind explaining it to me?

This never fails because then they're going to have to explain to you why they just brought you down, why they just diminished you. And so then they go down this loophole and all this stuff and your power comes back to you. Another thing that I really, really recommend in order to attain more confidence is to actually go up to people and to start random conversations with them. Like if you're in an outing and you don't really know anyone, like introduce yourself, tell them your name, ask them where they're from, have a conversation. At the end of the day, we are humans.

In this day and age, we are also glued to our screens and to our phones that when you are that type of person that can actually step away from that and you're at some event or some outing or at a party and you can come up to a person and ask them and actually have a real-life conversation with them, that exudes mad confidence. And lastly, here's a checklist of what confident people do and don't. Confident people do not seek approval or praise from others all the time.

Confident people do not need to prove anything to anyone. They don't need other people's approval. They don't need to prove themselves to other people because they already know who they are.

Confident people aren't afraid to be wrong. And this one's super important because a lot of people mix being confident with having a high ego. Confidence is about walking into a room and knowing who you are without needing to bring anybody else down. Confidence is actually about being able to take responsibility for yourself, for your actions, for your past, for your life, and actually being able to be wrong and own up to your mistakes. That's what a confident person does.

Confident people have a very, very, very, very, very high sense of self-respect. They have boundaries, they have standards, they have values, and that's something that no one can take away from them. Confident people aren't envious of other people's success

beauty or happiness because they know that anyone who is in their life that is showing that to them is actually reflecting their own potential for them too because there's plenty to go around because they have a growth and abundance mindset. And lastly, confident people are incredibly focused on themselves and their growth. They are not constantly concerned with other people's lives. Their life revolves around them, not other people.

I hope you guys love this episode. Please make sure to subscribe and leave a comment of what you guys love most about this podcast episode. And I will see you next time. Beautiful souls, thank you so much for joining me in today's episode. As always, I will talk to you next week. Bye.