Before You Waste Another Year of Your Life, Get Serious About Healing Your Past
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Head to your north from rex store score great brands, great places, the greatest gifts of all time. Hey is a red ml. And welcome to a very profound episode of the melt Robin's podcast.

welcome. I mell Robin's. I'm a near times best selling author and one of the world's leading experts on change, motivation and habits. And I am really proud to share this conversation with you today.

When I see here and think about what you're about to experience, I can honestly tell you this is one of the deepest conversations i've ever had with someone that I recorded. And so i'm glad that my guess today agreed to let me share this conversation with you, because I want you to experience this. I want you to be a part of this conversation.

So many of you write to me from around the world every single day about how you feel discouraged because you're starting to realize that you deserve more. And that means that there's work to do. There's work that you need to do in order to face and heal your past, to create Better habits and to experience more happiness and love in your life.

Well, my guess today, he has put his head down, and he has done the work in his own life. Ultimately, the episode today is about learning how to heal, how to be less reactive, common, clear or confident, and how happiness and that power inside of you will flow back into your life when you do that kind of work. And I am talking to someone today who has impacted the lives of hundreds of millions of people, none other.

The new york times is best selling off the Lewis house. You may know Lewis because he is the host of the award winning podcast, the school of greatness, which just celebrated its ten year anniversary with over five hundred million downloads. That's pretty incredible.

And i'm absolutely thrilled that today we're going to dig into Louis healing journey and we're also gonna cover his latest book, the greatness mindset, which is the playbook based on what he's learned after ten years of interviewing the brightest minds and biggest brain in sports, business and entertainment. Now I do want to give you just a little bit of warning. There is a lot of intimate and deeply personal topics that we cover.

So if you're someone who's in a very sensitive place in your life today, maybe a bookmark this and you come back to IT when you get your sweats, son and a mugger tea. And if you got little ones run around, please be mindful of the little ears. When you know bluest shares about his own past and about men and trauma in particular, it's unlike anything you may have heard before, particularly heard a man talking about. Now I can't wait for this conversation, so lets go.

Lus, I am so glad that you're here.

Thank you. I'm so grateful. Thank you very much.

What is your definition of greatness?

For me? It's going on a journey to discover your unique gift and talents, and in that discovery, figure out what your dreams are, and on the path of going after your dreams, making the maximum impact on the people around you. For me, that's greatness.

wow. So obviously your book is a road map to that. But can you just talk to somebody who's like, yeah, how do you tap into that, knowing that you are meant for greatness, especially when the shit has hit the fan and your life feels like a disaster?

I'm very grateful that I had a voice inside of me that was keeping me going. And a lot of times when I was in elementary school, I used to say, I wish I was dead a lot, how, again, trouble get sent to the principles office. And i'd say, I wish I was dead.

I wish I was dead. I wish I was dead. And and I don't know if any were relate to that feeling.

I didn't never to a title like I actually was going to do IT, but remember saying, essentially, why am I here? Am I enough? Am I lovable? Will I ever matter?

That was like a thing that was just a constant theme inside of me, but there was a voice that I was also like to keep going. I was like, you got this, just keep going. So i'm really grateful that I was able to hear that voice, even though I was so distracted and the the loudness of insecurity was crippling my mind.

I was so loud and so overwhelming that I felt like I was drowning emotionally. And so if someone feels that way now, what I would say is two things. Number one, like hold on to whatever voice that says, even if it's like a second a day, that's like keep going.

Like hold on to that voice, because that is a thing that has allowed me to overcome so much. And I wish I would have learned sooner what I talk about on the book, which is allowing myself to heal all the memories and pain from the past. And I really wasn't until I started that process ten years ago, of healing past memories, where things started to all lock, where I started to feel free internally and then externally.

The things that I was accumulating, or creating or developing was more meaningful because I was successful. I was accomplishing, accumulating, but I didn't feel enough because I didn't feel enough. I didn't feel like I was worthy of receiving. I didn't feel like I was deserving of love because I didn't accept me.

And I really wasn't until the last two years when I went even deeper into healing that I was like i'm going to create a loving relationship with any shame or guilt and security that I once had and just have a new relationship with IT. IT doesn't mean IT wasn't painful. IT doesn't mean I wish things didn't happen.

IT doesn't mean I didn't do things i'm ashamed of, but creating a new relationship with that. So IT doesn't hurt me today. And those two things of listening to the kind of the voice and side of my tell me to keep going and being on a journey of healing has given me such a sense of emotional freedom of piece.

I never felt my life. And IT allows me to not abandon myself anymore. Nothing for all many years, I would abandon myself to fit in, to belong, to be accepted.

And the more I would do that, I would feel shameful, because I was doing things that I knew one of alignment ate with who I was or my hye was and so once I started to heal I could stop abandoned myself, create barriers or boundaries in my motions or my life so that I can stay in peace and be OK with disturbing things around me um by staining my ground and certain situations and that has been the biggest gift of given myself because IT is allowed me someone who was asking me on the phone when I was driving here like, how did this book come about? I O I had the idea for IT for years, but I didn't have inner peace. I don't have the energy to create IT. And once I got clear on my inner peace, like this is came out and i'm already like just creating so much because I have clarity and IT wasn't until I was able to get full clarity and ownership of accepting who I am, where I was able to start doing these things. Authors, enticing.

So it's been a journey. There is so much to come back in what you've just said. And i'm so happy .

you went deep.

You remind me in many ways of somebody I love more than anybody else in the world and that my husband, Chris, and one of the things that I love about you is your this big massu in super successful professional athlete dude. And um yet there's this incredible quiet softness, strength and vulnerability to and you often say a lot without .

saying much. thanks. Appreciate that. I think it's interesting you say that because I didn't thought I had a lot to say when I was growing up because I felt very insecure in school.

So I was always in the bottom of my grade all the way through middle school, high school and IT. Take me seven years to finish college and graduate. And in middle school, high school, I would be in the special needs classes. And a lot of times during recess, I would have to do extra two dering. So when other kids we're playing, you're having fun or have to do a short lunch break and then go right into reading class because in eighth grade, I had a second grade reading level.

So IT was just very chAllenging for me to read a page of any book and comprehend IT IT was just IT would take a long time to read IT and then by the time I D finish IT, IT was almost like I was so long that I don't remember those reading that I D have to go back and read the page over and over again. So I would get through a couple pages and what have seemed like thirty to forty five minutes. Now I just be tired like I don't have to focus.

That's why I started use my energy and sports. And when I asked him to speak aloud in class, specifically in high school, I just felt insecure because I knew I wasn't a smartish. I knew I was always in the bottom of my class because they used to rank us on our great cards.

So I would always be in the bottom four. And a lot of times I cheated my way through crises and tests and homework to just pass to stay like not the bottom one, right? Yeah so I just felt very unsure of myself.

I mean, when you talk about the five hundred million downloads of the award winning podcast, the school of greatness, which is one of the top podcast in the world, i'd say that's not bad for the bottom four middle school to one of the reasons why I love your story, because you had to figure out how to be successful in a world that was telling you that you weren't.

And IT starts on the couch. This was september two thousand and seven. I hadn't graduated yet. I left to go play arena football. I try to make the nfl, didn't make IT.

So I played an any football for a season to try to get more practice than go to a fell. My rocky season, I get injured. I dive for a football into the wall.

Its indoor football. So imagine a hockey rink football. That's what I was. I dove. I, I not my risk, like in the wall OK.

So I just played to the pain and at the end the the surgeon was like every catch, every block IT was just like drinking the bone and and disintegrating the bone in my. And so that's why I said we have to take a bone out of your hip that hurt more than the rest surgery. And so i'm like, i'm going to heal.

I'm going to be fine. My ego is so big that i'm like, I feel like i'm a superhuman. And then every six weeks I do a check up with a doctor thinking to be fine, right? And they keeps saying another six weeks, another six weeks, another this weeks was supposed to be three months, turns into six months with the cast on.

So IT takes about here and a half just have like rehab, my ARM. So I went through at the phase of like sadness, denial, depression, not one of depression, but I was just like, extreme sadness. Yeah, okay, this identity that I had when I originally thought, like, I am to be .

a professional.

yeah, i'm like, nothing can hurt me. I realized quickly, oh, things can hurt me and they can take away from my, my dreams and ripe for this. My dad gets in an accident, or as a traumatic brain injury from a car accident.

They have the air lift amount of the car. That means a comer for three months. After a months in a common to hospital, he was physically alive, but emotionally dead, so he wasn't able to really communicate.

He was my dad, but I couldn't have a conversation with him. I'd see him and say, what's your name again? then? What support to duce the play? Where did you go to school again? That was the conversation every time I visit i'd done.

And he was at every football game. He was my biggest fan, and he loved to see me succeed. He was like, he is like, he was gone. He was physically there, but he wasn't my dad anymore.

So on my sister's couch for you and a half in this phase of sadness about my dad, sadness about my identity, my injury, it's also two thousand and eight, was like a kind of felt twenty, twenty with the economic crisis, right? I don't have a college degree yet. I'm trying to fear out how to get my degree and finish IT while get a job, but no one's hiring people without degrees at that time. So I just kind like, what am I doing in this world? Why are these things happening?

Yeah and I think I just want say that there's a lot of times in life where things happened and you feel like that whether your marriage didn't work out and you never expected to be divorced, or you go all in on a business and IT goes bankrupt or you end up struggling with an addiction after surgery in pain killers. And so I think this moment is really important for us to unpack. And so I want to have you read a part of your book, OK. So that highlighted section i'd love for you to read because IT takes us right back to the moment of what you are feeling when you are on that couch. I felt all all .

I could do IT during those dark days was flipped through T, V, reruns and informatics with the remote as I felt my chance and greatness not just slipping away. But sprinting as facility could go. I didn't know what to think, how to feel or how to process my own emotions.

And on top of that, I hadn't even to finish college at the time. I was financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually broken. I wondered what to do next, and from my perspective, I was now very much alone.

But I knew this couldn't be how the story of my life went. I knew there had to be more of my story, there had to be greatness inside of me. But I didn't know where or how to get started yet. Deep down, I knew I would eventually figured all out.

Thank you so much for sharing that. We ve got to take a short break for our sponsors. I'm going to continue this when we come back.

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Welcome back. It's mell and i'm here with new york times is best selling author Louis house he's very close friend of mine is also the host of the school of greatness podcast and we are talking about healing. So Lewis, it's spent a journey from being the twenty three old lost former professional football to really realizing that chasing success got you so far, but you had to fix what felt broken .

on the inside. Growing up, I wanted success. The the thought of success was like the answer, right? And now maybe I don't know why that came about, but I was always about how to be successful. And I achieve success for on my terms, but I didn't feel fulfilled and I didn't feel like I was enough. So then I would have to achieve more and more and more to fill something up where I didn't feel enough.

And I think there's a difference tween success and greatness, where success is more selfish about me and greatnesses about we it's going after your goals and dreams, but making IT about impacting others in the process and then being celebrated and then accomplishing as well or improving as well. And it's much more we're boarding that way. So I feel like I want to create more.

But i'm also happy with what I met and is a sense of peace. It's like, yes, i'm always going to be striving for more, at least in the season of life, maybe when i'm ninety m just like A K I don't want more. I want less and going to be a different season.

But for now, I want more. And i'm also just peaceful with where I am because I accept you. I am and I didn't know that that was the game. Accepting yourself, accepting but also saying you could still get to improve, you still get to grow, you still get to transform, but also accepting a loving where you're at.

okay. Let me unpack this a little bit because I think there's so much wisdom that you just drop if you are sitting here going. But pup, pup, pup, but hold on a second.

I don't even know how we went from twenty three year old broke like on the sister's couch loss three and a half dad having this to know of a sudden this crazy successful business in podcast of millions of fact like how do you do that? And wait a minute, luis house, are you telling me this enterprise bullshit? Like I need to pay my bills.

Like don't be talking to be about that. And so I want to say couple things. Yes, we will get to the story of how we went from the couch to building what he built.

But there's something much bigger in terms of the master class that is being offered to in this moment where Lewis is going to save you two decades or whatever of pain that he put himself through to get to the wisdom of the greatness that he has unlocked in himself. Because i've known Lewis for five years, he is a different human being, a different human being. And even just a year ago, and I think that IT is possible, lose will tell you this, to be a competitive mother fucker and to compete at the highest levels.

which he does. Yeah, I still like to win. how? Yes, but the type of and .

to be a calm, 嗯， cool and confident person, 哼 because you have peace with yourself yeah as you are doing us even just .

to call on a what you said about paying bills， I don't think you can have financial peace unless you have inner peace because there's so many people that you know that have lots of money who are overly stressed.

right?

And more money doesn't always solve every problem to solve a lots of problems or IT doesn't always solve the problem of accepting and loving yourself.

That's true. And i'm going to add something to that because both Lewis and I have been in moments of our life. And ironically, IT was during two thousand and seven and two thousand and eight where neither one of us were able to buy groceries.

We did not have any savings, we did not have any income. We were relying another people to help us get through. And the stress that you feel when you cannot pay for your basic needs is a toxic level of stress that can consume you. But what I also want you to consider is the added stress and shame and mental beat down that you add on top of that reality doesn't help you pay your bills either.

And so whether you are at a point where you've went wildly successful but you're deeply unhappy or you're at a point where you're having trouble paying your bills, cultivating a sense of peace inside yourself and assuredly that you can rely on yourself a steady so that the world around you does not trip you up emotionally, that that is a superpower, that's part of this greatness mindset that you're talking about. And Lewis has been on this profound healing journey. And so I want.

I want to go there. The game is healing. The room is me is healing. In order to, you know, create anything in my mind .

what is feeling even mean that is.

I used to feel a lot of pain in my chest or tightness in my throat or disturbance in my stomach. I used to feel like I couldn't sleep at night because I was up for now a half like ruminating, a thinking and stressed. I used to be very active when my nervous system was trigger. Yeah I feel like that's that's the opposite of healing. You know, healing is learning how to overcome all those things. So your nervous system is in peace when there's chaos around you IT doesn't mean i'm not going to feel trigger momentarily or feel like, uh, I don't like that or react to a thing or feel disturbed, but it's learning how to recognize that much faster and from a place of integrating healing and lessons, be able to respond differently when there's a disturbance as opposed to based on a wounds. So most of my life I was just reacting, responding based on wounds that I was on awareness, or maybe I was aware of them, but I was just like, this is who I am.

Don't mess with me. Don't try .

to change me. Don't mess with me like this is I am am fine. You know, there's nothing wrong with me like this like reaction.

Can you give people a sense of some of the things that needed healing? So i'm going to just point out one of them. You and I both have this lexie years more profound than mine.

Even reading my own words, I trip up sometimes because I still have to practice, like reading slowly with the cats.

So what was that like for me to pass the book?

I was, I get to practice mind sec all the time after read on and tell property all the time. And I was like to take a deep breath. No, that I just know that i'm not going to be the best reader in the world and that's okay.

And so I just say, you know, I accept myself when I started, I accept myself when I stumble. I I accept myself when I have to reduce a sentence. Weren't over again because I wasn't able to see what's coming next.

And I just didn't sound right IT probably takes me twice as long to read my audio book as video, right? And and I I but I used to hate myself for that and beat myself up. And now I accept and love myself. And when I do that, I notice I read a lot Better and I flow up and it's, you know, it's not perfect anything but I like it's just I save a lot more time and more relaxed and is supposed I used to beat myself up and beat the biggest critic now just a positive self coach in those moments like how you ve got this ah it's okay.

You know can we impact that for minute? Because I think it's a really reliable example. So every one of us has something that we're self conscious about or that we beat ourselves up about, whether it's our weight or something about our skin or our hair or height or know for you mention stuttering and stumbling and reading out loud or being slower at something.

And you so beautifully talked about how you used to just beat the help out yourself. Hated that about yourself. How do you or how did you know us learn to accept something you hate? IT? How do you fucker do that?

There's many different modalities of feeling. And and I feel like over the last ten years, I tell her husband Chris about this sounds like because he asking me about a time of things right now is like I feel like I ve tried to lost IT different stuff because I got a lot of work to do so I went willing to die van and like take a look in the mere and say, tell what to do and i'll try IT um and I did workshops, emotional intelligence leadership train workshops ten years ago that helped me unlock and open up about several trauma and I was kind of stayed one IT was one of my biggest shame that I didn't want to talk about.

I don't want anyone to know about because if anyone knew that i've been sexual abuse, I thought no one would ever love me. So was a huge protection that I was, a shield that I was putting up on myself, to show people that I was strong, to show people that I was confident, to show people that I was, that no one could mess with me in sports or whatever might be, and that that supported me and accomplishing certain results, but hurt me and feeling love and harmony and alignment within myself. 嗯， and so IT was exhAusting.

It's training. It's an emotional train reck. Because you're kind of living a double life inside, you know the truth. Outside, others don't know the truth about you. So you're hiding something.

And you know, I want to point something out about this because we've been doing a whole series on trauma and nervous system repair, and you talked earlier about how your lived experience, even though your super successful on the outside, is like not in the stomach, tightness in the chest, some in the throat, you don't even have to be conscious about the fact that you're hiding this thing. It's not like you're walk around thinking about the fact that you are a victim of sexual abuse is that is stored in your body. So your body Operate in a state all the time as if someone bads about to happen.

I was even like aware that I was in telling people. I was just like, you know, trying to block IT and cover IT up constantly. But I was always, in my mind, maybe every few days the member would come up in some way, was just like a movie that was repeating on on repeat.

And when I did this first workshop, a lot of things started to happen in my life where I was having breakdowns into number. They ship business partnership life. I just feel like means stuff is breaking down all around me, although i'm successful.

Why are these things breaking down on the coming the nomade actually gonna fight on a bus small court? This was kind of the tipping point. Where was the perfect storm? And a friend of mine who was there was like, I don't want to hang out with you anymore if you had to keep reacting in this way, because I was the same fun, loving guy. But when I would get triggered, I was like, this reaction of commanding .

the physical a line.

I was just like, try to defend myself energetically. But if someone was physically trying to attack me, a basketball game is kind of, uh, you know, isn't that part of the game?

Yes, but I would take this so personally.

So when I was a cheap elbow, that would be like, turn around and be like, let's go this fight. So I didn't have the filter because I felt someone was always trying to abuse me or take a manager. exactly.

And so this was kind of the the last thing that happened. I got this fight and my friend was like, hey, I want to hang out to you. I don't want to be best one more of you if you're going to react like this. And IT was a tendency that was happening for many months, more and more, until I was like fish, I fight on a basketball court.

on a pickup .

baseball card yes, there was no stakes on the line that was just like a friendly game in the mean streets of beverly hills. And um .

how about you?

I was ten years ago, yeah twenty years thirty nine.

thirty so twenty nine years old.

And I remember there was a police station right across the street. There was in west hollywood, minutes away from. And remember seeing the guy's face when I was done and being really scared of what i'd done.

meaning he is faced .

and look good. I'll just say that. And he and I always had this rule that i'll never hit someone unless they hit me first.

That was kind of like my thing, but I afa ain getting someone's face. I'll talk trash, whatever. 不知道。 Like I never hit someone of that. They may first he ended up headbutted me because we are like, kind of each other faces in my head but me and then I kind of just go blank and I and I turned into like the incredible hulk yeah.

In that moment, like this guy hit me, there's no rules and um and afterwards I had so much a general um because I don't think I gotten in a nature fighting since I was like thirteen right so I played football to get my aggression out but they no I no longer was able to hit people legally right? And so this was a point where this happened. And remember going home and looking at myself in the mere being, like, who are you? I did not recognize myself and I really kind of like shaking because I was like, what am I doing? Like, who am I? What are you? Why you reacting? I was started to like, ask myself this question.

And I remember thinking, like, I have too much to lose now to allow my, I anger, my fears, my wounds, to be in control. Yeah, because I had built a business and I like what I don't know what someone had a knife for gone or whatever, like I injured myself in a borse way, or I heard someone else like, what if something really bad happened? He was not enough fine.

We were fine. But I remember thinking, okay, this could really get out control. And this was nothing. This was like a little incident, and I was so reactive.

So that's what got I ve done, the path of saying, let me take a look, the mirror. I ask some friends for some, some suggestions on what I can do. I went to some workshops. The first work shop I went to got me, too, a vulnerable enough state to talk about sexy abuse. For the first time, lad out loud, first time I spoke the words.

what was that like the .

most terrifying moment of my life, to be honest, because I never thought to this had happened to any other man. So you have to imagine if you think that not what has happened to you was never happened to anyone else, then you think you are wrong, broken and the worst human being alone. Now, now that is that was my interpretation, right? And I got to a place during this workshop where was a five day experience.

And a lot of people are going through about so leadership workshop. But we have to go in our past and men things to clear on what we want for the future and then move towards the future, right? So it's kind of like a process, a journey of your personal life to help you have more tools of leadership.

yeah. And at one point .

during this work, shop people are open up about different stuff. He was a vulnerable state at this time, but is black. After the third day, the trainer goes, okay, we've gone into these different past experiences, parents and the us, and dad and break ups.

We're not talking about the past anymore. We're moving on. We're going into what you wanted create for the future like we're done. We're moving forward. But if there's anything you haven't shared now is the like.

If everything you haven't shared from the past, now the time, or were moving on, and you're going to miss your moment, for whatever reason, that voice came back out and was like, okay. And during this time, I started to address all these different things from my childhood, my parents, you know, they probably should have never been married in the first place, but they went through divorce eventually. And just kind of the fear of their arguments and fights. As A A Young child, that was stressful.

My brother went to prison when I was eight for four and half years, uh, so I didn't have friends for four and half years because in a small town um you know the moms wouldn't met their kids hang out with me so there was just a lonely time and I was traumatic to go to a prison for every weekend and watch your brother in in a roomful of convicts in their families IT was a traumatic experience for the old family um you know being picked on in school and special needs classes and all these different things break up hard break. I was like, okay, I ready addressed stuff. I feel fine here, but what about this thing that i've been thinking about almost every day for twenty five years? And whatever inside of me just said, you have to stand up and remember, just like standing up and getting out of my seat and walking to the front of the room.

And this probably only thirty, forty people in the room, were kind of like going to send my circle and I stand up. And this was interesting because I couldn't look anyone in the eyes. I stood up, I like, looked down at the carpet, went from the rome and just said, one was five.

I was sexually abused by the babysitter. Sun and I went through the entire story of the entire event. IT was almost like I was in the bathroom again, reliving IT.

And I shared this. But I could not look up because I was so ashamed of what I was saying, and I was just thinking myself, man, everyone's laughing. Every everyone's like, you know, thinking i'm a loser.

Everyone thinking, i'm unlovable. All these things came up for me. I like, my life is over.

Essentially, what was thinking? And I remember sharing this, staring down, like, walked through the whole thing um and somehow I was like some my calm I was like standing there just maybe I wasn't looking in anyone's eyes but was pretty calm and able to just get through IT. I wasn't crying anything.

I was just getting through IT and then I went and SAT down, and there were two women sitting on either side of me when I SAT down. And america, just looking at one of them. And she's like, weeping.

And the other one is like, holding me. They are crying now is like twenty five years of pain, just kind of a rubs and I start crying and they're hold to me. They're all all kind of like jumping and shaking like you.

They're crying and controlled by the numbers. Like I have to leave. I run out of the room.

He was in kind of a conference room of like a hotel run out of the hotel to get some fresh air. And i'm in the back ally behind the hotel by L. X.

And there's a wall. I kind of just put my hand against the wall. I'm just like sobbing. And a few minutes later, I feel touch on the back of my shorter.

And is this guy who's bigger than me? He's probably his late fifties, and he turns me around. He's crying.

He looks me my eyes. He says, you're my hero. You're my hero.

I will follow you anywhere. I really, really remember this. He goes, I have three kids.

I've been married for twenty something years. My wife doesn't know. My kids don't know.

This happened to me when I was eleven. This happened to me multiple times. And I ve lived with shame and doubt and insecurity my whole life.

Thank you for being the first person to open up in front of me. You're going to give me the cards now to go into my wife. All these men from the room started coming out.

There was only in two or three guys who had been sexual abuse that tell me that for the first time, by the way, they had to open up either to anyone of their lives. And then other guys were just like, i've never heard anything like this. This happened to me. I feel really insecure about this in my life for this thing i'm ashamed of, right? And I was so powerful because I was thinking, all the, everyone's going to make fun of me.

But in fact, IT made them trust me and respect me more and love me more the thing that was the serious thing for me was actually the thing that that brought me closer to people and and and people could actually see me for the first time, fully at least in that regard. Um and IT was that was the start of ten years of lots of different healing modalities, which I have to talk about some of them, but IT was a that was the start of processing the healing. The next step is integrating the healing, which is world work.

is yeah that's true. I want to just say that this is yet another one of those areas where you and I have a parallel path because I had a very similar thing happened to me when I was in the fourth grade and .

I buried IT and I .

knew in the back of my mind, somewhere in the back of my mind, that something had happened. And IT wasn't until I was at a leadership, something really that .

was in personal.

know what, what happened to somebody else shared, and they shared about how IT had, they had been molested, and they had forgiven their parents and forgiving the babysitter. But they couldn't forgive their sister, because while this was happening to them in the bathroom, similar to their story, their sister was watching TV, no.

And as he said that I had a very vivid memory of the moment that had happened to me in the middle, the night and when I kind of roll over, because was scared that this person was on top of me, the first person I saw was my brother, because he was sleeping on the bunk bed like red across. And I thought, I don't want this person to hurt him. So I was just like, quite like a mouse, but I was the sibling connection.

And I like you just flooded in. And I was like, I got to to share this. And for a minute I question whether or not that to happen.

And IT was a bad dream or was a reality. IT was that I block IT .

was a really yes, but that voice, that knowing that flood of emotion made me like you say, I just have to say IT out loud. And what happened .

when you set IT out out?

No, I just collapsed, sobbing. Same thing as you like. So many people come up. I mean, that is such, unfortunately, very common story. One and four women, one in six men, have experiences something like that. But it's in the either that the denied that is real and questioning IT or the shame that you feel around IT as if somehow is your fault or IT somehow is damaging to you and Carrying that inside, which really is damaging. And so I think that it's it's an important thank you first of all.

sharing that course .

um and I think speaking the things that you hate or ashamed of is a form of acceptance because if you keep this stuff silent, if you're unwilling to talk about IT, it's going to continue to hat you so luis, I want to just hit the pause button for a second so we can hear from our sponsors and let's pick up this topic when we came back.

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Welcome back. It's mell. And i'm here with one of my very close friends, new york times best selling author Louis house, who's also the host of the school of greatness podcast. And you know, you've been on this incredible journey of healing. What does IT taught you about greatness?

You can be great without having peace and without going on a healing journey. In my mind, you can accomplish a lot. You can achieve a lot.

You can get a lot of awards and make a lot of money. But I feel like if you feel like you don't still not enough, then you're not great. I don't think it's be enough.

The thing that you're chasing is outside .

you IT is outside of you. And again, I was chasing them to feel Better about myself, to feel like, okay, I matter and I have value because I didn't believe I have value and I think um once you believe you have value, then you're creating from the space of love and win win and service as opposed to I need to this for me and look good and feel something up inside of me.

You're doing IT from a more healing journey, uh, place and then you're able to give more, you're able to create in a Better place. So a lot of my life was doing things to prove people wrong, that I felt abuse, abandon main fun of by cyc. Let me go make, create, succeed to prove people wrong.

So when I would lose, I was a bad loser because I was like, uh, I didn't prove them wrong. I lost. They were right.

And so IT was just a different energy of creation, the fuel of anger. And not enough this. We can go nonstop for years trying to prove your enough tss from that state.

But IT is exhAusting. Energy is training. So many times I accomplish things in sports. Biggest dreams after ten and fifteen years of thinking about them, working hard and accomplishing, and feeling like so angry after I accomplished IT, because I thought I would feel something different and I still didn't feel good enough, so is like I need to go create more and accomplish more, and then I would do IT.

And I was like, why am I still feeling alone inside? Because I didn't have a good relationship with me internally. And once I started to shift that, I just feel such a good sense of peace and because I have a meaningful mission that is not about me, it's about others as well. That's the foundation is ah I see you've got you've .

got the framework in here, but i'm i'm trying i'm thinking this is about .

the person that depends on the season, your life. And again, if you were trying to pay your bills, you can't think about meaningful mission. You got to think about protecting yourself safety and get into .

place of the information.

And that is a mainframe for the season, right? So when I was my sister coach, that all I could think about like, how can I make enough money to get off the couch? great. And that was the mission for that season.

But the ones you complete that you got to think about something bigger that includes others, right? And so I was still including others in that by adding value to people in order to get money from them, right? Essences, I want to give you a service, want to help you, and you're going to pay me, right? So i'm helping them overcome a problem.

Now is using my, my passion and my power to solve a problem. And that's what I started to deal. And then I started to, once I, once I overcame that mission, accomplish as I. Okay, now I can see a little bit farther. Now I want to create, and the same thing happened with the school of greatness is the.

and I just want to tell everybody. So Louis, basically, and looking for a job, figured out how linked and were exactly, and then realized, oh, wow, I can teach other people how to use linked in, like o and so he became widely successful, being an expert on monetizing and utilizing linked in and one platform, and tell everybody how you came up with the school for greatness idea.

So after another four, five years of of kind of teaching linked in and then expanding IT into just social media, marketing and general courses and stuff like that, I realize, okay, I have enough money from me. Be two years to live.

Oh, that's pretty damn .

good when you're broken poor, at least for my point of view, the holy grail when you're broken powler, from my point of view, I didn't spend anything else like I just need to stack everything because I was in scarcity mode. yes. So I wasn't like spending anything.

So I had enough and I also didn't a car, you know, I was living in like apartment that was one four hundred and ninety five dollars a month. I was like living in the the lowest amount I could. I was like taking trains, places not like flying anywhere else. Like.

how can I say this, Lewis? The form is not.

And in once I realize, oh, I can actually like, i'm surviving now, right? I'm i'm thriving. I'm surviving.

I got out of this kind of the mentality. I was able to think beyond that. I was able to think beyond this, like me to like to make money really quickly.

And um I realized I didn't want this anymore. The season of life was like, I don't want to do what I was doing in this business anymore. So I sold to a business partner I had and I was like, okay, i've got about two years of cash if I don't make any money to survive.

Now this is the act moment when I got into the fight in the best boot court, I was going through a break up in a relationship that I moved late for, and I was just having breakdowns in life. And so I was literally stuck in traffic in L. A.

A little over ten years ago. Tuesday next week is my ten year university for my podcast. No way.

Tuesday next week. So little over ten years ago, over ten years and three months ago, i'm stuck in a traffic. All this stuff had just happened.

And i'm just thinking to myself, man, I don't have IT all figured out. I thought I did. I thought my ego new IT was right. yeah. I thought I know accomplished stuff.

And this and that featured in the White house and all says that I was like that I should be the man, but I feel like a loser. And I was stuck in traffic. We are literally on the four or five. And um if we were not moving and all these people around me and cars stopped, we're screaming and walking and flipping each other and I want to get me i'm stuck worth stuck, everyone is stuck and I was just like, okay, huh?

If people are stuck in traffic and they're taking them so long to give places, what if I can offer value and solve a problem for them to get on stuck? This was little going through, and I was like, I need the solution myself. And I just started hurting about about podcasting.

This was twenty, like twelve. I just started to hear, like, whispers, you know, what is? What is this thing? right? Not like I literally called two friends in the car.

That was a long drive. Things stuck. I called two friends ago. I know you have a podcast coming about the podcast, anything they're like. I love IT is the coolest thing ever.

The audience of connecting the building, the relationship, it's the best thing ever. I don't make any money, but it's the best thing ever. And I was like, okay, cool.

I like, I think I could do this because I had started to just interview people for myself, according for me, like business leaders and sports athletes and always people for years being up to that. That's how I got to kind of the linked in space. I would network with people that interview them.

And I just was like, man, i've learnt so much from these people, which got me here in my business results. So let me take you a step further. And they were both telling me like what you should just make IT about, like marketing and entrepreneurship because that's what you're doing. I like I had this doesn't resonate with me. I feel like i'm supposed to do something more, not like we don't go to abroad because the power won't work.

Do you mean like greatness?

And I was like, and who are you? You're still just like getting started. You're like an internet marketer.

You don't have a big audience like .

you can go back saying like just feel like this is what I want to step into though. And even if he fails, I want to make an an experiment. I want to do IT for one year, one episode away for a year, and just see if I like IT.

So I discovered the mission by expLoring something, by being curious and trying IT. And I scared myself some parameters. I'm not going to try to make money again at that time. I had money for two years. Some people may not have that luxury when they're figuring this out in terms of making money might not make money really quickly if need to make money.

I could have what you also do, have go all in exactly what I loved about what you said that did you hear what Lewis said? experiment. He gave himself permission to experiment with something for a year. Number two, he took the pressure off and said, i'm not going to make this experiment generate money.

And so if you can, whether you're on the couch or you're working a job, if you can give yourself the Grace of an experiment and take the pressure off of money, you now are walking in the footsteps of greatness. You, and so you set out on this experiment, and you didn't know shit about how to do IT. You have two friends .

that I had iphone that I used to record in the beginning. I know clue was doing. I was, you know, I was trying to do.

I thought I was supposed to do. I was just like trying stuff. And my unit is my assistant.

Listen to the first episode. Like last week. He goes, I went back and listen. The first episode goes, you're complete the different person. And i'm like, because I was more about success, more about like achievement and winning .

and like results. I to and after .

then I went to this workshop a few months later.

oh, the one where you.

for the first time, about sexy abuse and all things. And I actually is so funny, I actually learned the concept about, you don't win unless everyone wins around you. You know, that was like, much.

That concept didn't make sense to me. As an athlete, I was like, no, there is one winner. Everyone else must lose. Otherwise, wear the loser, right? That was kind of like the mentality was I was trained with, right?

Was a programing that I was conditioned to have in this workshop taught me that you don't wane unless everyone wins you. And body that do and and is about and thank you and is about IT doesn't mean. You know, winning could look differently for everyone around you, but there must be like a win win experience.

Otherwise your win doesn't mean as much. If others aren't improving and growing and succeeding and whatever IT is they're doing as well, right? Doesn't an nice to be equal winning or something like that.

And that's why was like, yes, right? This part cast can't be about like results. This should be about elevating others and about improvement and how we can all win together. And that's when I started to shift and I started to like, a little softer be like, let's just keep results, you know.

And IT was beautiful there so much that happened in the first year of the experiment where I started to like, try something. And and IT wasn't perfect the first hundred times. I I just said, how can I make a Better every time? How can I listen to feedback and make a Better every time? And um how can I find my voice in this process? You know even i'm not comfortable sharing my voice. How do I find IT by practicing and and after the first year I member um people like men, i've just really loved this and enjoying IT. And so ten years later, here we are still love is still enjoy.

When you think back on literally probably thousands of people that eventually you what's one interview that you reflect on the most?

I was going to say kobe because he was my favourite interview. But when you said this, there was an interview the first year that I had with getting Chris lee, who is the actual coach and trainer of the workshop I went to. When I open up for the first time, he had such a massive impact on me from that experience, that end of hiring him as a coach for a couple years, just like coach me personally.

嗯， and I had to come on the show. I was single the time ago. How do you find a dream like partner? And he put me through a guided meditation. We have me close my eyes, and you, like, walk me through a scenario when I see of my future self, is that I want you to imagine waking up next to this person.

I want you to imagine what they look like, what they sound like, what you imagine, what you when you open the windows, where you are in the world, what your view is when you imagine the feeling, the experience you're having with this person. And the reason i'm talking about that is because I said to myself during that, my eyes are clothes I like. I don't know.

This was weird up and was like, I wake up next to the woman of my dreams. And when I opened my eyes, SHE looks at me and eis smiling at me every morning. And I member to saying that I don't know why that came to me about like SHE SHE looks at me, SHE is smiling at me because she's so grateful and happy that were in this relationship together.

And essentially eight years later, i'm in a relationship with a person that wakes up that little open to arise and looks at me and smiles. And this is no joke. IT happens every day.

SHE looks at me. SHE hugged me some days. SHE wakes up crying. I'm not kidding. Because SHE is just a grateful human being, not just because of like, amino life, but he is a happy person. And I dam mpt of this.

And so for me, that was a powerful, powerful episode, because I had two other relationships for her. And after this conversation, those, those things didn't happen. And I realized that I only happened the moment I started to fully heal a lot of the emotional things, that I still wasn't ready to face some intimacy.

So I held one element, but not all the other elements. And IT wasn't until I A literally there was a pain in my chest for still for years from other things, not the sexual abuse pain, because I could talk about that freely in the peace, but in other things that I still wasn't willing to face, and I wasn't. So I face those things two years ago.

There was a pain in my chest for many years. Over come ago, IT disintegrated after about five months of intensive therapy integration healing is finally dissented, grated in my chest, and I felt this body pain go throughout my body into the complete freedom. And IT hasn't come back since, 哇哦。 IT took five months of intense reflection exercises practicing of healing the nervous system to where they want away. That is literally a month. Two later, i've met her.

哇哦。

and it's been a game change.

I have you talked publicly about what that thing .

that I had. I haven't really talked about a public. I just started kind of telling people that because I don't know if other people feel a pain in their chest, I don't know if you've have felt like a ball that's kind of like this, not populations, but just kind of a nagging ing pain.

I feel IT more kind of like right about the stomach. Yes, that sort of where my and I know when it's common because IT hits the ankles .

first in this blenches.

No, like I feel literally that when I get triggered I literally feel and yeah, but I think you wanted a why? It's because that's how the person approach. Oh, wow. yes.

yeah. I because I was used to be the throat and the chest for me. You just, I cannot speak yeah. And there was like a pain here. And I IT wasn't like I felt was a heart attack, the dick nagging pain.

Yes, IT would come ago and I could have figure out how to get rid of IT or how to like, eliminated. And I just I went to five months of intensive every week. There be sometimes five, six hours on saturdays.

Or I was just like, i'm a media emission to create peace, clarity and freedom. The first day I step in the therapy with the my coach, I color an emotional coach because I think we should all have one, SHE said, watching intention for starting this process. I said, I want peace, clarity and freedom because that in fact, I had any of those. That was my inability to not abandon myself.

What does that mean for somebody who's .

never heard that term? So IT was my inability to not a band myself, in intimacy with one person, the person that I was choosing to be in a committed relation with, because I wanted to ban in myself, in other areas. I would stand up for those. No.

i'm not going to do that. Oh, for you like a nice guy dorma type in relationships.

I was more trying to buy peace. So whenever my relationship with, uh, relationship in the past, we would be upset at me, yeah, you didn't do this. Ah, i'm sorry, do now yeah.

Whenever they were disturbed emotionally, yes, or the environment, or they were screaming I or they were called shoulder or they want to speak to me, I was like, I don't like this feeling. And so I don't know how to navigate my inner world when that would happen. I don't know how to be peaceful under chaos emotionally.

So I would do things to buy peace. I would say, OK, I stop doing this, even though I don't want to stop doing something. I'll stop doing IT to make you feel comfortable.

Yeah, okay, i'll give in here. Okay, come home five hours early. okay? I won't go on that trip because you don't feel comfortable with me going alone.

I don't think people understand how much men struggle with us that that no I I mean, I like this is why I said you remind me a tremendous amount with, of course, same thing that just would shut down and or give in or give .

and not capable of .

expressing what he needed because his experience as a kid was IT didn't matter anyway. exactly.

And a lot of men were never trained how to navigate uncomfortable emotions through. Their highest cells, they would defend, protect and show that everything is okay. I didn't have the tools training, the knowledge to experience the wisdom on how to navigate stressful emotions in love in an intimate, loving relationship. I could do IT in business and sports and this model, yeah IT was IT was a constant low level stress and like resuming from my parents of each other, which maybe always like what's going to happen, right? And they loved me and I I knew they loved me, but I was I knew they also didn't love each other yeah and so that was stressful.

And so what I didn't know how to how to be with a woman who was like, you can do this screaming ami, don't do this I don't like when you do this is not okay ba ba ba because what they are saying is you're not enough and I don't accept you for you are of this. So I didn't accept myself for her. I was I, I I knew I wasn't enough that I thought so I said i'm going to do what's going to make her feel like i'm enough for her.

right?

And after a year, two years, three years of doing that and just giving in and giving in and giving in, you fully lose yourself. Yes, you lose all you, you lose who you are. Then you get presents, you get frustrated or get angry.

So I liked the emotional ability to say no and if you don't love me and accept me and you want to walk away, that's okay. And I like the emotional ability to um to just be OK with me walking away from something as well. And that's why when I met Martha with you've met her couple times now.

he smiles at all the .

I I had A A fully different experience because you are different .

because .

I was completely different and and I just told her like straight up as like this is my values, this is I am and i'm never going to bed myself for anyone 嗯， 哼 you this that IT doesn't matter like I just never gna band myself doit mean i'm not going to be a flexible human being and supportive and always of the ways。 But i'm not going to give up who I am to please one human being because they're not happy with me.

good. If you could sum up the greatness mindset, I think you just did there is this quote that goes viral all the time. I have no idea who said at first, but is that thing that when you are put all your energy into trying to keep the peace with others, you create a war inside yourself.

And that is just what you describe, that tension in your chest, and so many of you listening, listening with IT, or that pitting your stomach, is the war that Louis is just described with yourself. Because you're so much more focused and concerned with keeping the piece, making sure everybody else is okay. And until you invert that and you focus on creating peace within yourself, that's IT right there.

And this is the moment when IT unlocks. I remember now exactly what happens when this a pain went away because I was working on because I didn't feel free, right? And so for five months of therapy going in every week, I was committed, I was like, i'm going to to figure this out and i'll goes as long as IT takes.

you're like a truffle pig for healing. Got looked that thing out right there.

I'm doing, i'm until I love that the journey over night awareness moments.

So what was that moment?

The moment was many. Because every time I would meet my coach SHE say, what's your intention? peace? Clear freedom? I didn't feel them. And so we were talking about what each one is.

When do you do not feel peace? When do you do not feel clear freedom, as I have never felt free in my life? And a lot of IT came down to modelling parents.

They weren't free in their relationship. They both were resented of being the relationship. They both got marry when the nineteen.

They didn't know anyone Better. Yeah, they have four kids. They were working their butts off. Just stay together.

So I don't blame them, but they stay together, not because they wanted to, because they did not how to navigated as well. And so I saw them trapped. That was what I was for me.

I saw them trapped, and I was afraid to be trapped because I don't want to repeat the feeling of them being trapped and feeling miserable along of the time. Like, I don't anna create that in my life, but I didn't know how to stand up for myself. So that was a thing.

And he just kept looking at me, was kind of like a goodwill hunting moment. He was like, you're not trapped. You're not trapped.

You're not trapped. You're free man. You are free man. You are free, man.

And I don't know what I was just like all all the months of like the practicing, the integrating, the the opening of back up or just kind of like this is like rush is like finally connected to me that I am a free man, that I am not trapped. She's like, you can walk away at any moment. You can walk away at any moment. You're not to keep working in this relationship like especially since you're not married, you can walk, wait at any moment.

but even if you are married.

you can walk away and that was a thing else like i'm so afraid get married because I don't want to have the shame of getting divorced or the pain that caught that that happens after divorce of so many people go through.

So interesting, you're so focused on not feeling trapped that you actually trapped .

to percent. And it's so funny because I went to a prison almost every way for four, five years, and I watch men who were trap behind bars. But some of them were emotionally free.

Some of them were there. But I saw them free. Men like they were in a state of complete peace. Not all them, but some of them had so much love in their hearts, which very kind and generous that their families around. And they were free emotionally, but they just did something that puts them in there physically.

And I realized for so long that I was trapped emotionally, but free physically, and I didn't know how to break free. And that was the thing where else? Like, i'm just sick, tired of feeling this pain.

I'm sick and tired of repeating the pattern were on the common denominator in all these relationships. Choosing them, standing in them, are not standing up for myself. So that was a massive game change for me, was investing in emotional coaching, showing up consistently when I didn't want to and doing the work.

And I think a lot of us will get business coaches, career coaches, health coaches. But the emotional game is the game that most of us don't know on a master. And yet we we won't invest in coaching our fine support. And I just think it's so crucial.

Well, you write at the very end of your fantastic book, the greatness mindset. You're time to unlock the power of your mind and live your best life today. You have a huge section in this unhealing.

A whole section is here. I feel like you cannot be great. I think you can be great unless you .

you hear like, I feel like even unlock the power of your mind. It's literally unlock the part of your mind, body and spirit .

integrated at all.

And that's you. Nobody is going take up the healing books like i'm going. I'm going to buy the mindset book. But guys, if people understood the art of falling in love with yourself, the world would be a much Better place. Lowest, the world is a much Better place .

because you are in you.

Thank you so first of all, everybody please go at the book. I'm not just asking those questions but please, please, please support the man that is supported all of our greatness for the last ten years um you will love this and it's the greatness mindset and so I wanted to close by just saying I want you to imagine that it's your last hours and you can only leave the world with three truth, three lessons that you want in part on the world. What are they with us?

You are loved, you are worthy and you matter if we understood that and embodied and truly believed that than life is just a much Better place.

Wow, you and body, and that's your dam. sure. Thank you. welcome. Thank you for being a part of my life.

Thank you to reach you.

Oh, man, well, and you, before I go, I just want to make sure that you hear Lewis and I tell you something, which is in case nobody else in your life tells you this today, I want to tell you that I love you and I know luis. You probably want to say the .

same thing on the percent. Yeah.

I love you and I believe in you in your ability to take absolutely everything you heard today from Lewis and put IT into practice in your own life and not only developed ed the greatness mindset, but to go heal and to learn how to follow up with yourself and use that transformation to change the world around you.

I have, you know, not to reach a month. thanks.

Oh, one more thing. It's the legal language. This podcast is presented solely for educational and entertainment purposes. IT is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapy or other qualified professional. stitcher.

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